It gets hard to hide things in life, to cover them up, to pretend they don’t exist. What’s even harder though is when you can’t even admit them to yourself. When everyone around you can clearly see what is going on, yet you are completely oblivious to it. I know cause I have lived that way for a long time. I have tried to hide the fact that I am and have been battling depression for a long time. I finally admitted it few months ago, first to myself, then to a few others, now to anyone who wants to read this. This has been my journey, and it has not been an easy one. I had someone confront me with it awhile back and I ignored it. I thought there is no way I deal with that, I’m fine. I couldn’t see what other could though. I was so set that everything was ok, that I was just fine. I didn’t want to even believe there was something like that going on with me. I thought it made me weak, like I couldn’t handle things myself. The truth is, I have spent so long telling myself I am fine, attempting to do things that only momentarily made me feel better. It is beyond what the church world would just call living in bondage to our sin. I was ignoring something that was really making me struggle through life. The truth is I still struggle daily with it. I still don’t wont to face the world most days, and I have days where I never leave my bed. Most days I get up and do something cause I’m forced to, like work. I just don’t always have the motivation. I’m ok if I don’t eat, I’m ok if I don’t go outside, I’m ok if I sleep too much, I’m ok if I don’t talk to anyone. This is my struggle everyday, and some days it beats me, and I lose. But there are days I win, and those days are becoming easier. Once I finally admitted to myself that there was something wrong, and accepting the fact that it was ok to seek help, I starting taking antidepressants. Right or wrong, I don’t need judgment, I made the decision. The pressure I was under to deny what was going on was finally over, and it felt good. I felt my heart beating again, I had the energy, and motivation to do things again. Life was getting better. That wears off though, and sometimes I still find myself not wanting to do anything, not wanting to get out of bed. Sometimes its a struggle to step outside the door, and be a part of the world. To act like everything is ok, to be happy, to be fun, to be someone you feel like you are not. The fact is, I am so tired of having to put on a show so that no one knows what is going on. Sometimes I am happy, and those days are great, and I feel like I could anything. But there are still days that I just can’t be that person cause I don’t feel like that, and pretending to be that person to keep up appearances is just not ok. Maybe you have known this about me for a long time, or maybe you are just learning this, but this is my life and the struggle I face everyday. I am ok with it, I am dealing with it. Some days, I can admit, I don’t deal with it very well. And there are days that I can honestly say that I am not proud of the person that I am on those days. I am not proud of the decisions I make, or the things that I say. It’s a struggle some days, that just gets the best of me. I am doing better today than I was doing months ago, but the truth is I still have my moments, and I am learning each time that I need to figure out what is going on with me at that moment, before I do anything. The past month has been a really hard one for me. I have made many decisions that I wish I could take back. I am not proud of the boy that I have been. I have been wrong way more than I have been right. Each day has just been a struggle and the fact is that part that has been because I chose to not take the antidepressants and instead self medicate. Sometimes that seems like the easier decision, even though the truth is it’s the wrong decision. But this a daily struggle that I know will get better with some time. I’m sure I will mess up again, and I’m sure I will be back on my knees begging for forgiveness and grace. This has not been an easy journey, and I know the road will be rough, but its my journey. I am not hiding from it anymore.
Promises to my future wife
I promise to always love you no matter what the circumstances in our life may be.
I promise to always fight for your heart and not fight to be right.
I promise to always listen to you.
I promise to the spiritual leader.
I promise to always pray for you and with you.
I promise to serve you everyday.
I promise to always protect you.
I promise to always be honest with you.
I promise to always honor you, especially when you are not around.
I promise to always want you and only you.
I promise to make you proud.
I promise you will always feel safe.
I promise you can always talk to me about anything.
I promise to always seek out how to be a better husband to you.
I promise I will never judge you.
I promise I will always tell you how beautiful you are.
I promise I will love unconditionally.
I promise to always do my best to make you feel special.
I promise to sacrifice for you.
I promise that you will always feel like I value you and your opinions.
I promise to listen to your dreams.
I promise to dream with you.
I promise to always believe there is nothing out of our reach when we do it together.
I promise I will always be proud of you.
I promise to never force you to change.
I promise to always believe in you.
I promise to never keep records of “wrongs.”
I promise to be patient with you.
I promise trust you.
I promise to always put you before me.
God’s plans or Our plans?
So I haven’t sat down to write anything in a long time. I know this is something I should make more time for, cause there is a lot I want to write about, but in a busy life it’s hard to find time. Lately though, there has been this topic on my heart and on my mind. We live in a culture that is always looking for something better. We go out and buy a new device and months later an updated, better one is coming out and we seem to feel as though we need it. What we have is not enough. Look at what has happened just in the last couple weeks with the release of the new iPhone 4s. Millions of devices have been sold already, and some of them were sold to people that had the iPhone 4 already. A few tweaks in something and all the sudden its better and we need it. We want everything we have to be better than the things we already have. Have you noticed that we seem to treat God the same way? We look for the next thing we can do that is going to be better than the last thing we did. We ask what we can do better to reach more people. We look for how we can top the church next door, or the one down the street, or the one hundreds of miles away that seem to be doing something cool. Sometimes I wonder if in our attempt to always do something better, we leave God out of the process. What if in our attempt to do the next thing, we miss out on what God is doing in the moment we are already in. Instead of trying to come up with an event or a way to reach more people, what if we asked God how we could reach the people that are already in our lives every day that we refuse to talk and share with. I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to plan an event that will reach people, but I wonder if we use that as a way to get out of doing what we have been called to do in everyday lives. What would it look like if really asked God what He wanted us to do? Do you think He would tell us to do something bigger and better than another church? Do you think He would tell us that what we have been doing isn’t big enough for Him and we need to go back and make it better? I think we get that thought process when we don’t stop to give our plans to God and ask Him what He wants us to do. What if instead of saying “God I want to do something better than anyone else out there,” we do what Pastor Brad Reed does ask the question “God what are you already doing and how can we be a part of that?” What would it look like if we got ourselves out of the way and just trusted in Him? Instead of saying I have this great idea for how we can do things better, we stopped and prayed and said God I want my ideas to be your ideas. We set our plans and ask God to show up, instead of allowing God to set the plans and be thankful we can show up. What ever happened to “thy will be done?” When did it change and we start saying “my will be done.” When did it become about us? When did we say God please stand in the corner as I come up with a way to make you famous. He doesn’t need us to make Him famous; He has done fine doing that on His own. I don’t need bigger and better, I just need Jesus. I want whatever plans and thoughts I have to be God’s, not mine. I want to be a part of His plan to make Him famous, cause mine cannot even compare to His. I challenge everyone to start asking God how we can be a part of what he is already doing instead of asking what else we can do. Start letting Him be the one that sets the plans, and just get out of His way.
Psalms of the Heart
Lately my heart has been troubled with things that I don’t understand. Thoughts and feelings have been placed on my heart that hurt. The most troubling part of all of it is that when I seek God he is silent. I spend time in prayer, reading, worshipping yet He is silent. It reminds me of a Psalm of Asaph. In psalm 77:1-4 Asaph says
I cried out to God with my voice—
To God with my voice;
And He gave ear to me.
In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;
My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing;
My soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered God, and was troubled;
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
It has been a long time since I have felt that empty and alone inside. As I read the Psalms I am reminded over and over again for the silence that men like David went through. Here are just a few of the words of David
Why do You stand afar off, O LORD?
Why do You hide in times of trouble?
Psalm 10:1
How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
Psalm 13:1-2
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
Psalm 22:1-2
David’s words in an odd way are comforting during this time. To think that here he is the King and described as a man seeking God’s heart, yet still had times when he just cried out for God to break the silence. To know that he felt like god was hiding from him, or abandoning him. If we are truly honest we can all say we feel that same way. But do we really do what David does in these times. After David cries out to God and asks him to break the silence, he admits that it is his own sin that has brought on the silence. Then he does something amazing. He praises God for who He is. How often do we praise God in the silent times in our lives? How often do we take responsibility for our distance from Him? God is always there wanting to have fellowship with us, but too often we don’t look at ourselves as the problem, as the reason for the distance with God. What would happen if we had a heart more like David’s and could say like he did
O God, You know my foolishness;
And my sins are not hidden from You.
Psalm 69:5
Yet when we do admit our sin what do we do with it. Often times we try to make excuses for it. We place the blame on others not on ourselves. What would life be like though if we not only accepted responsibility for our choices, but we praised God during these times?
And better yet, what if we modeled our lives after Jesus. What if we took the pain on ourselves, even if it was not ours to take on? If we stopped trying to be right, but instead laid down our lives. I want to be a man that is pleasing to God. A man that is seeking the heart of God in everything that I do. So as I man I stand here before anyone who is reading this and say, I am the reason for the pain that has been caused. And I take responsibility for the things that have happened. I want to be the one that feels the pain. If you have been hurt by me in anyway, please know that I have and will continue to ask God to take away all your pain and place in on me, to let me be the one that hurts not you. If anyone has to feel pain I want it to be me. I have been praying over the words of David when he says
Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me.
Test my motives and my heart.
Psalm 26:2
So I pray that I be put on trial. I pray that my motives and heart be tested. And I pray that through the silent times, I can still praise God for who He is, and not what he Does. I pray that as a man, I take the example of Christ and take the pain on myself so that others can be free.
Keep me safe, O God,
for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the LORD, “You are my Master!
Every good thing I have comes from you.”
What we can learn from Mary
Coming up on the Christmas season I thought I would share one of my favorite moments from the bible. It comes from the New Testament. It is the story of Mary and the angel Gabriel. It is the moment when he shows up and tells her that she is going to give birth to Jesus. As we know this is not an ordinary birth. This birth came with many trials. A virgin birth, who is going to believe that? What I love is her response when she is told what is going to happen. You can read it here in Luke 1:35-38
The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.”
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”
I am fully convinced that Mary had no idea what was really ahead of her. I am sure at this time she had no idea the scorn she would face, the disbelief for her being a virgin, the manger she would give birth in, or that she would have to see her son hang on a cross and die. But in that moment, she was not thinking of herself. I love her response, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said.” There are a few things to point out about this moment, she believed, she was available, and she was willing. The trust she displayed in God is simply amazing. How often in our lives do we have to see the plan, the end result, the path we will take, and the trials we will face, before we trust God. What would happen if we accepted God’s plan, no matter how much sense it made. If we took every circumstance in life and said “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said.” I find so much inspiration in the faith of Mary here. She had enough faith in how big God is, that it didn’t matter how much sense this made, what she knew was that she was His servant and was willing to do anything He said. I want to live a life like that. I want to be able to say let it be to me as you have said, no matter what he asks of me. And not just to say it, but to rejoice in the thought of it as well. To have the same kind of joy Mary had when she rejoiced with Elizabeth and sang
Luke 1:46-55
“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me–
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers.”
As Men we need to lead the way with this kind of heart, because as Men there is a lot we can learn from this moment in the life of Mary. We should be available and willing to submit to the will of God no matter what the circumstances may be. May we remember this every day, not just at Christmas. May the cry of our hearts be “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said.”
True meaning of Christmas
This is an important time of year. A time for us to get together with friends and family. A time when we spend a lot of money buying things for people we like, and sometimes people we don’t like. We put up a tree and decorate it and put presents under it. We hear Christmas songs every where we go, and sometimes even sing a long. On Christmas Eve we even put out milk and cookies for Santa, and maybe some carrots for his reindeer. We are so excited about Santa coming with gifts for us, and we are so interested in what we are going to get.
DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS??
We have made Christmas about us. When in reality it is not about us at all. Let me say that again, IT IS NOT ABOUT US AT ALL. We have forgotten what Christmas is really about. We sing a song that’s line goes “This is Santa’s big scene.” I have an idea, how about we sing “This is God’s big scene.” That is really what Christmas is about. It is about Christ. It is the day we celebrate the birth of the most important gift we could ever have gotten. The birth of the one that came into this world to save us from death. On this day God gave us all a gift, the greatest gift we could ever receive, his son.
Why is that every year things get worse. Why is it that America is trying to take Christ out of Christmas? We are so worried about someone being offended, did we ever think that maybe we are offending God. How do you think someone would feel if you took a gift that they gave you and you started to put it down, or not appreciate, or even accept it? Now think about how God feels when we take his only son, and his birth that we are supposedly celebrating this time of year, and remove him from his day. Christmas is about Christ. It is about his birth into this world, it is about the gift that was given to us freely and lovingly.
Let’s remember this year that with out Christ there would be no Christmas. Without Christ there would be no life. And with out Christ we would not have the promise that we will live eternally with God in heaven.
Let us go out into the world during this holiday season and remind everyone that it is the birth of Christ we celebrate, not Santa. Santa is a made up person, but Christ is real and he lives. He has a gift to give us that we can accept freely and that is eternal life. And he is happy to give it to us, and he wants to. He wants us to have it so bad that he went to a cross and died for us, then rose again and now lives. HE is the reason for Christmas, not Santa, not presents, not a tree.
This year let us always say Merry Christmas, not happy holidays. Let’s remember Christ in everything we do. As we sit there with our family and friends in our houses with all the food and presents lets also remember what Mary and Joseph didn’t have that night Christ was born and appreciate what we do have. That night Christ was born in a manger, with nothing, the savior of the world was born and couldn’t even get a room in an inn for the night.
Let us thank God for the precious gift that was given to us many years ago and praise him for his unfailing love.
How far will you go for Love?
Thinking you are ready for a relationship, or maybe marriage? How long are you willing to work for that? What if things were the same today as they were back in Old Testament times? In those days you had to pay a dowry for the woman you were going to marry. If you didn’t have that chances were you weren’t getting the girl. Let’s stop and take a look for a minute though at the story of Jacob.
Jacob was truly a man of God. He was not perfect by any means, but was so loved by God that his name was changed from Jacob which meant “heal catcher” to Israel which meant “ruled by God.”
Jacob fell in love with a girl by the name of Rachel the first time he saw her. He loved her so much that he asked for her hand in marriage. Here is what the bible has to say about how this all happened, and the trials that Jacob went through to marry Rachel.
Genesis 29:16-30
16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weak [a] eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”
19 Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.”
22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.
25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”
26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”
28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. 30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.
Jacob had agreed to work for Laban for 7 years because he had no dowry to give for his daughter. After that seven years was up though he tricked and had to marry Leah because she was the first born, and it was custom that the older had to marry before the younger. This did not change Jacob’s love for Rachel though. He loved her so much that he was willing to work another 7 years to have her. Would you be willing to work for someone for 14 years just to marry the daughter that you were in love with?
So often in culture today we find someone that we fall in love with and we expect to have them. Looking here at Jacob’s love for Rachel though, I wonder why we are not willing to go this far. I doubt any of us would work even the first seven years for a girl just to marry her, let alone 14 years. I love here that the bible says in Gen 29:11, “Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.” What an amazing picture of the emotion Jacob felt when he found this girl. He was so in love that when he kissed her he cried. His love was so strong for this girl that he cried, and then worked 14 years to have her. This just blows my mind. It blows my mind that it says, Jacob worked seven years for her but it seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Wow, seven years is a long time, yet it seemed like only days to Jacob, I don’t know about you but that must have been some powerful love he was feeling. Then to be tricked and have to marry another girl, that he didn’t love. If that had been me I would have been mad and walked away without marrying either one. But Jacob didn’t do that, instead he agreed to another 7 years of service. I don’t know anyone who would do that today. It makes we wonder, if there is someone we plan on spending the rest of our lives with, then 7 years is nothing compared to the 50 or 60 we may be spending with them. Reading this story makes me think, about how superficial our idea of love is. I could be wrong, but I don’t know anyone who would do what Jacob has done.
Reading this story has really convicted my heart. I have had relationships that were pretty amazing, but I can’t honestly say that I would have gone to the same lengths Jacob did to marry the girl he loved. But if we truly say we are in love with someone shouldn’t we be willing to go to any length for that person. I want to feel that way about the person I fall in love with. I want to fall in love with someone that I would be willing to work 14 years or more for if I had to, just to have them by my side forever. I don’t want my love to be superficial and momentary. I want to know that the person I say I love is one that I am willing to work my entire life for. I want to cry the first time I kiss her because of how amazing that feeling is. I want to love like Jacob did. He was not willing to give up until he got the girl, even after being tricked. I would thought it was another trick, but not Jacob. In fact I bet Jacob would have worked another 7 years, or maybe even 14 years for her. I want to be able to say that I would do the same thing. What an amazing picture of love here. I want to know that the next person I say I am in love with is a person that I would be willing to lay down my life for, one that I would be willing to work for the rest of my life for, one that no matter what I have to do I would do just to have her hand for the rest of my life. I hope when that moment comes I am able to cry when I kiss her, cry when I hold her, and cry when I have her forever. I want to be so overfilled with emotion that I cry over how amazing she is.
What about you? Would you be willing to be a modern day Jacob if you had to?
Going after the 1
Have you ever wondered how to treat those that are not a part of the church? Or what about the ones that are a part of the church then leave?
Why is that we as Christians want to look down on those people? Why do we treat the ones that have left the church like that are horrible people. What if we stopped looking down at them, and started reaching out to them. I find it funny that we do this when we are at church, but we get outside into the world and we look down at people who are away from Christ. We refuse to talk to them, to reach out to them, to want to have anything to do with them. I sit at a coffee shop a couple nights a week and look around at the people there. Many times I want to just walk away and cry. My heart hurts for the lost. The conversations they are having hurt. I listen to them planning their nights at the bar and how trashed they are going to get, and my heart hurts. I want so badly for them to have the same hope that I have in Christ. What really bugs me though is how we treat those that leave the Church sometimes. Why is it that we treat them like we do the non believer? Have we forgotten what Jesus taught? Just in case you have, here it is.
Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:3-7
When did we stop doing this? When did we start saying, “we need to stop talking to them?” Why is that we look at them thinking they should know better and we need to distance ourselves from them? I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to get to heaven and stand before God and hear him say, “There were people you let walk away that I wanted you to chase after.”
Do we not know that each and every person is important to God? I have been thinking a lot about the people in our own ministry lately that have stopped showing up. I don’t know their story, their problems, their heart, their hurt. What I do know is that they are important to God and that should make them important to me. Jesus gave us this parable about a shepherd leaving his flock to chase after the one that walked away. That one sheep was so important to the Sheppard that he would leave 99 behind to get the 1 back. Shouldn’t we think the same way for the people in our churches?
I do a lot of work in a ministry that has a lot of people come and go. There are many that come in our doors for a season and then seem to just disappear. I started to take a closer look into this recently and found something that shocked me. I found a person that was coming all the time, and then all the sudden was gone. I thought maybe they had gone to another church or something. After talking to some people though I found out the opposite. This person is still coming every Sunday; even serving in the church, but is not a part of a community of people in the same stage of life. As I started to seek out some answers as to why this person is not joining us, I found out some of things in their life that is pulling them away. My heart broke as I listened to the story. I wanted to cry my heart hurt so badly. I feel it is just as much our fault that this person is not joining us. There is a lot of hurt going on right now, and aside from a few friends we never truly got to know this person, never really connected. And not only that, but when they walked away, we should have gone after them. I know that some friends did, but that was expected. Shouldn’t we as a ministry gone after? I know that we have a lot of people like this, every church does. What I want to know though is this, how many people see this happen and just say oh well, they just weren’t where I thought they were? Or maybe they think, well they just didn’t want to be here. Or worse, they just don’t care. What would our churches look like if we went after that 1 that is walking off? Actually its not even about what the church would look like, what will heaven look like when we do this. At the end of the day I don’t care what church you go to, what ministry you plug into, what community you are a part of. What I care about is that you are plugged into Jesus Christ. I care that you know as a person we love you, no matter what. I care that people know we are here to walk through life with them, good and bad times. I care that these people know they don’t have to go it alone. There should NEVER be a situation that we as the church are not willing to walk through with someone. There should NEVER be a time that we don’t show each and every person that they are truly and deeply loved. I want everyone who reads this to know this; you have my commitment to walk through anything with you. You have my commitment to love you no matter what. There is nothing you could do or say that will change this. I also make a commitment before the world to say, I WILL LEAVE THE 99 TO CHASE AFTER THE 1. If you are one of the 1’s out there, just know, God loves you, and that’s enough for me to chase you no matter how far away you go. I know I will not be able to catch everyone, but I want to know that heaven is rejoicing because of the ones that are caught. I want to stand before God and be able to say I sought with all my heart the ones that were walking away. If God loves a person then that is enough for me to love that person too. Which I know, that means I have to love everyone, and I am ok with that. I want to live like Jesus did; I want to love like Jesus did. If we truly want to be the hands and feet of Christ then we must live like he did. We must want the same things he wanted. Will you join me in leaving the 99 and going after all the 1’s out there?
Psalm 69
This psalm is a plea for God’s mercy and to save David from his enemies. It is believed that it come out at a time when David had been wounded by God for some sin in his life. What I love about this Psalm is all the emotions that David seems to go through, and the fact that he was able to be honest before God about what where he was at personally with these feelings.
1 Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in deep mire,
Where there is no standing;
I have come into deep waters,
Where the floods overflow me.
3 I am weary with my crying;
My throat is dry;
My eyes fail while I wait for my God.
4 Those who hate me without a cause
Are more than the hairs of my head;
They are mighty who would destroy me,
Being my enemies wrongfully;
Though I have stolen nothing,
I still must restore it.
5 O God, You know my foolishness;
And my sins are not hidden from You.
6 Let not those who wait for You, O Lord GOD of hosts, be ashamed because of me;
Let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel.
7 Because for Your sake I have borne reproach;
Shame has covered my face.
8 I have become a stranger to my brothers,
And an alien to my mother’s children;
9 Because zeal for Your house has eaten me up,
And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.
10 When I wept and chastened my soul with fasting,
That became my reproach.
11 I also made sackcloth my garment;
I became a byword to them.
12 Those who sit in the gate speak against me,
And I am the song of the drunkards.
13 But as for me, my prayer is to You,
O LORD, in the acceptable time;
O God, in the multitude of Your mercy,
Hear me in the truth of Your salvation.
14 Deliver me out of the mire,
And let me not sink;
Let me be delivered from those who hate me,
And out of the deep waters.
15 Let not the floodwater overflow me,
Nor let the deep swallow me up;
And let not the pit shut its mouth on me.
16 Hear me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good;
Turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.
17 And do not hide Your face from Your servant,
For I am in trouble;
Hear me speedily.
18 Draw near to my soul, and redeem it;
Deliver me because of my enemies.
19 You know my reproach, my shame, and my dishonor;
My adversaries are all before You.
20 Reproach has broken my heart,
And I am full of heaviness;
I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none;
And for comforters, but I found none.
21 They also gave me gall for my food,
And for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.
22 Let their table become a snare before them,
And their well-being a trap.
23 Let their eyes be darkened, so that they do not see;
And make their loins shake continually.
24 Pour out Your indignation upon them,
And let Your wrathful anger take hold of them.
25 Let their dwelling place be desolate;
Let no one live in their tents.
26 For they persecute the ones You have struck,
And talk of the grief of those You have wounded.
27 Add iniquity to their iniquity,
And let them not come into Your righteousness.
28 Let them be blotted out of the book of the living,
And not be written with the righteous.
29 But I am poor and sorrowful;
Let Your salvation, O God, set me up on high.
30 I will praise the name of God with a song,
And will magnify Him with thanksgiving.
31 This also shall please the LORD better than an ox or bull,
Which has horns and hooves.
32 The humble shall see this and be glad;
And you who seek God, your hearts shall live.
33 For the LORD hears the poor,
And does not despise His prisoners.
34 Let heaven and earth praise Him,
The seas and everything that moves in them.
35 For God will save Zion
And build the cities of Judah,
That they may dwell there and possess it.
36 Also, the descendants of His servants shall inherit it,
And those who love His name shall dwell in it.
The emotion that David starts with here, is one that I have been feeling so much lately. The waters seem to keep rising around me and I feel like I am drowning. It seems like no matter what I do I can not stop sinking. Sometimes we go through these seasons in life where all we can do is cry out to God to save us. And yes sometimes we can get weary in calling out for God. Its not that he is not there when we call, but too often we are not really calling for Him. We call for his help, yet we go our own way and do our own thing, which just causes us to sink even more.
In life often we have people that cause us a lot of pain. They don’t always have to be enemies of ours, to feel like they hate us. And when they hate us for things that we can not control, and things we did not even do, it hurts. How we act though through these times really show where our hearts are with God. What if we offered them love instead of revenge, grace instead hate. What if we restored them, even though we did nothing to them, that would truly be living like Christ did.
I have found it hard in my life to remember at times that God knows my foolishness. Isn’t it funny that we think we can hide that from him? I have found myself trying to lie to God, like that’s even possible. All because I am trying to hide my sin from him. But he knows everything, and there in no way we can hide our sin from him. He knows everything, and there is no way we can hide from home, so why not just be honest before him. I know that I am a wicked and sinful person that can do nothing outside of His grace.
I sometimes get down on myself in fear that the people who surround me are going to be disappointed in me. Like I have to be perfect so that I don’t let anyone down, when I know there is no way I can be perfect. I love how David puts it here in verse 6. I love how he turns around though in verses 13 through 18, and praises God and his love. He is so confident that God is going to rescue him. I like though that he is honest enough to say to God, “And do not hide Your face from Your servant, For I am in trouble; Hear me speedily.” There are times that we feel God is not with us, and not listening. David was able to be honest before God and just say, I need to hear from you and I need to soon. I have prayed that way many times lately. There are times we just need to cry out and say God I need to hear from you now, not that it’s always going to be answered right away, but I believe God wants us to share everything with him, even our frustrations with Him.
I love how he turns here and starts to show deep hurt. I have had moments in my life when I have felt like I was all alone. David seems to feel alone here when he says “Reproach has broken my heart, And I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.” The moments that we feel this alone are the worst moments. I know there are always people around me that love and care for me, and are always there for me. Sometimes though no matter who is around, I just feel alone. Cause those people can not truly understand my heart and what it is going through. If only we could look at a persons heart and understand exactly what is going on inside it at the moment. But we can’t; only God can. And lets be honest, sometimes that’s just not enough for us at the moment. We feel alone even though God is right there with us.
David then turns to anger and wrath. I love this too. The truth is that there are times in our lives that we will feel this way. We are going to be mad and hurt and want revenge. We are going to want people to suffer for what they have done to us. That’s the human side of us, but when we die to self and let Christ rule our lives we are able to overcome that side. David is convicted of this though as you can see in verse 29. its human nature for us to feel this way at times, but when we do perhaps we can remember what David did and humble ourselves and ask God to protect us even from ourselves.
David ends this Psalm with praise to God. It’s not easy to always praise God when things are cashing around us. But we must remember that he is always in control no matter what. What if we took the time to praise Him even when things were bad? What if we stopped seeking His hand to just save us, and sought His face, and that would be enough for us. Because when we are seeking him for who He is and not what He can do for us we find His love in everything. When we dwell in his Love we find rest.
I love all the emotions David displays here, and I love his heart as he lays it all before God. I want to stop hiding all my emotions from Him and just be honest with Him, honest in my fears, my hurts, my anger, my brokenness, my emptiness, and my love. He is in control even when we think he’s not. And he loves us, unconditionally. If we know this to be true then we must also know that he is working in every situation we go through in life, and no matter what it will always be good, even when it is not what we want, for He is good.
Love in the midst of chaos
There are going to be times in our lives that we face trials. Times when we have a choice to make, either to honor God or live like the world. These things are going to happen all the time. We live in a fallen world that is so far from perfect. Knowing how to act in the midst of these trials will tell a lot about where your heart is. The bible is very clear on how we are to act when things are coming at us. Many times though we throw that out the window when we feel like we have been wronged, like all the sudden it is OK to not act like Christ. Well lets take a look at what the bible has to say about that.
Romans 12:9-21
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need, Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on this head.” Do not be over come by evil, but over come evil with good.
The love that Paul is speaking about here in this passage is not just emotion, its how we show it with our actions. Our actions should be those that Paul goes on to describe, hopeful, patient, faithful in prayer, peaceful, and sacrificial. We should be thinking of other before we think of ourselves, yes even when that person or those people are the reason for what is going on. When Christ died on the cross, he took on the sin of all men, even the ones that were crucifying Him. We should never believe that it is not OK to seek peace. Just be faithful in prayer and let God handle the rest. It is His to avenge not ours.
Romans 13:8
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellow man has fulfilled the law.
Our love for one another should cancel out all debts. Nothing should ever stand in the way of our love for each other.
Galatians 5:6
For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Galatians 5:15
If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other,
Galatians 6:10
There fore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
The more we fight with each other, attack each other, hurt each other, the less God shows in our lives. We really don’t accomplish anything, but rather just destroy each each other. That is not what God wants from us at all, he wants us to love each other. We are called to love everyone, especially those in the family of believers. Why do we feel as if we can treat a fellow believer different? Or that its right to fight with another believer. We are called to do good to everyone. We are called to love, not separation.
Ephesians 4:2-3
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ god forgave you.
Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bearing with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
There are many other verses I could quote here. I believe with all my heart, that the first step we should always take no matter what the situation is, is to love. What if we started every action with love, how different would our relationships, our friendships, our families, and our world look. What if before we reacted to anything that happens to us we stop and ask, is my reaction out of love, cause if not then we need to stop right away. I wish I could say this is going to be easy, but its not. It will never be easy cause its not the natural thing. But it is the god honoring thing, and that should be first, When someone does something against you, don’t respond, don’t retaliate, don’t seek revenge, love the person. Do everything in your power to seek peace. Be patient, peace may not happen over night, in might not happen for years, but trust that God is making things right, your only job is to love that person or those people. Your going to get hurt, and sometimes it will be intentional, and you will want to seek revenge, you will want to stand up for yourself, but if your reaction is not rooted in love, and does not come out in the spirit of peace and love, then its wrong. God should be glorified in everything that you say and do, and there is no way he is being glorified when His people are in conflict with each other instead of loving each other. I have been learning how to do this and will have to keep learning everyday for the rest of my life, but I know that it honors God, and I want my life to honor him. I want my life to one that is holy and acceptable, even when it is not easy. I will always put others first, and consider them better than myself, even when they have done something that I feel is wrong to me. Not because its what I want to do, but because its what I am called to do. No matter what ever happens, no matter how wrong, no matter how bad, no matter how hurtful, always always always, choose love.
An Ordinary Man 