Forgive

How many times must you forgive? Well according to Jesus in Matthew 18:22 not seven but seventy times seven. So what does that mean? Well Jesus was not giving an exact number; he was giving a number so large for us to understand that forgiveness should never end. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’. So Jesus told us to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt indefinitely. How do we do this though? Well I believe it starts by loving the person that we must forgive. As Christians we are called to love others, that means everyone, not just the ones we want to love. According to 1 Corinthians 13:5 love keeps no record of wrongs.

This does not mean it is always going to be easy to forgive a person who as done something against us. But as Christians we are called to do it. What right do we have to with hold forgiveness from someone when God has offered it so freely to us? I know this is easier to say than it is to actually do it, but we still have an obligation to do it. I know I have found it hard to do in the past. There have even been times when you want to take back that forgiveness because they keep doing things to you. But the moment you forgive, you wipe clean, you keep no record of it. If you do not plan on wiping it clean, then don’t say you forgive, because true forgiveness means you will never hold it against that person. I am learning this the hard way right now. I have had to forgive, and wipe clean, then have something else happen that starts the process all over again. Makes it harder to forgive the next time. I want to look more like Christ everyday though. I want my life to reflect what I believe. I will continue to forgive, and wipe clean, even when it’s hard, even when I don’t want to, and even when I don’t think I can. Because the reality is that I can’t, but God can. When Jesus hung on the cross he took on the sins of the entire world. That thing that hurts me, killed Him. And he paid the price for that sin. So how can I ask another person to pay for something that Christ already died for? The blood of Christ took care of everything, so I will rest in that truth.

I will always choose to love, and to forgive. I will always choose grace. 1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Facing our fears for Jesus

A couple years ago I met this girl. The first time I saw her I knew here was something special about her. Things I would have normally been afraid of didn’t seem to matter when I was around her. One night at a BBQ we sat down and put our feet in the pool and talked for a couple hours. It was a warm night and the water bugs (which are no different than cockroaches to me) seemed to be all over the place. Those little suckers have no fear. And well to me they seemed like they were 6 feet tall and ready to devour me. I don’t really know why, but I have always been afraid of those things. I’m pretty sure they know that too, and were just sitting there laughing at me. So I sat there with this beautiful girl by my side, and these giant man eating bugs all around me. To say I was scared would be an understatement; I was terrified for my life. Being a man though, and having this amazingly beautiful girl sitting there actually talking to me, I took my shoe and starting killing every single one of them that dared come near me. You would think after killing a few of them the others would get the hint. Well wrong, in fact I think it might have angered them, more and more kept coming, next thing you know I must have been surrounded by about a thousand of them. Well maybe I am exaggerating a little, but that’s how it felt. In those moments though I had a choice to make, get up and maybe miss out on the chance to continue this amazing conversation, or face a fear and stay right there. I choose to face the fear. I decided in that moment that this girl sitting with me was more important than a fear of these bugs. I don’t regret that night. That girl was more important than a fear of mine.

I saw a cockroach the other day and it reminded me of that night. As I sat there remembering how I was willing to face that fear for a girl I started thinking, would I face my fears for Jesus? Would I be willing to sit there and allow a fear of mine to surround me, while I stand firm for Jesus? I believe my answer to that would be yes. I hope my answer to that would be yes. I hope I would be willing to face all my fears for Jesus. I find it funny how we are willing to do things we would not normally do for another person, especially when we like that other person, yet we are not willing to go outside of our comfort zone for Jesus. We are not willing to go outside of our church groups, our church friends, and church walls for Jesus. We get so comfortable with our surroundings that we don’t go outside of them. What if Jesus was only comfortable with the Jews? What if the disciples never reached out to the people around them? Where would we be today? Jesus came to earth, went to a cross, died for OUR sins, and rose again so that all would have eternal life. Shouldn’t this be something we are going out and sharing with the world? What are we afraid of? If we really accept the promises of God, then we should not be afraid to stand up for Him. Scripture tells us not to fear.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Joshua 1:3,5
I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you … No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.

1 Chronicles 28:20
David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Hebrews 13:5-6
For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

1 Peter 3:13-14
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.”

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Those are just a few verses that God has given us regarding fear. It seems so easy to face a fear when the end result benefits us. Shouldn’t we be more concerned though with adding to God’s kingdom? What would it look like if we faced our fears and made an impact on the kingdom for Jesus? What if we faced our fears, left our comfort zone, and went out into the world and made a difference for the kingdom. What if we were less concerned with who was our friend on face book and more concerned with who would be in heaven with us? What if we stopped asking people if they were on face book and started asking them if they were going to heaven? Why are we afraid to do that? What do we think is going to happen? Sure some people might not like us, but since when should that be a reason to stop us. Many people didn’t like Jesus, in fact they killed Him. Yet that didn’t stop him from rising again and reaching out to everyone. When are we going to start facing our fears and going out into the world and sharing the Good News? I know I am willing. Are you? What are you afraid of?

Came to my rescue

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours

My whole life I place in your hands
God of mercy humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called
You answered
And you came to my rescue
And I want to be where you are

My whole life I place in your hands
God of mercy humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called
You answered
And you came to my rescue
And I want to be where you are

I called
You answered
And you came to my recues
And I want to be where you are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high

I have not been able to turn this song off this past week. I am so amazed that we have god that answers our call. That reaches down from the heavens with His redeeming grace and saves us. That he would even care for someone like me is amazing. I know I don’t deserve is grace. I don’t deserve his love. But I am thankful that I have a God that loves me, regardless of my sin. I am thankful that I have a God that answered my call, a God that was waiting for my call. He rescued me from myself. From the poor choices I was making in life. I don’t know where I would be right now if He hadn’t reached down from heaven and extended His saving grace to me, after I had rejected Him so many times before. The fact that He would even care to reach down to me after everything I had done simply blows my mind. I fell to ground tonight to just worship Him and sing this song. I was on the ground in my living room, humbly before Him. I didn’t even want to get up. I wanted to stay there forever just worshipping my God. I want my whole life to be placed into His hands. This last year has been an amazing year of growth and trust. I have had to place all my trust in Him, and I don’t want anything to change. I want my God to be in complete control of life. I want to seek His face in everything I do. I want to know that when the day comes that I meet my God face to face, He looks at me and says well done good and faithful servant. I want to know that I lived my life in a way that has made an impact on His kingdom. I want to be in his presence. And I want everything I say and do to reflect that in my life. I know I am going to make some mistakes along the way, and I know that I am going to have to humbly bow down and ask for forgiveness. I have had to do this in the past and I know I will have to do this again in the future, I am not perfect, but I rest in His saving grace. I want my heart to sing out, in my life be lifted high. When I sing that out, I don’t want it to come from my head, I want it to be the anthem of my heart. I want my life to reflect the fact that He is lifted high. I want Him to be the center of everything; that nothing I would do would come from anywhere else. I want to be able to say that in my love, He is lifted high. I want to be able to love like He loves me. I want to show people that king of love. I want my heart to reflect that at all times. I give all that I am to seek His face, His love, His grace. So would you join me from the heart and sing,

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high

I’m Sorry for the Man i’ve been

I wish I could go back and change all the things that I have done wrong in past relationships. But since I can’t do that, here what I can do.

I’m Sorry
I’m Sorry I hurt you
I’m Sorry I let you down
I’m Sorry I became someone different
I’m Sorry I wasn’t truly open with you
I’m Sorry I made it about me
I’m Sorry I didn’t listen to you
I’m Sorry I let my circumstances change who I really am
I’m Sorry I didn’t ask for your help
I’m Sorry I didn’t tell you my fears
I’m Sorry I didn’t listen to your fears
I’m Sorry I didn’t follow through on things I said I would do
I’m Sorry I walked away when I was mad
I’m Sorry I walked away when I was scared
I’m Sorry I didn’t talk when I should have
I’m Sorry I didn’t truly listen to what you said
I’m Sorry I let things become a fight
I’m Sorry I never told you how I really felt
I’m Sorry I only complimented your looks
I’m Sorry I never told you how much I admire your strength
I’m Sorry I never told you how much I admire your compassion
I’m Sorry I never told you how much I admire your faith
I’m Sorry I never told you how much I admire your heart
I’m Sorry I never told you how much I admire you determination
I’m Sorry I never told you how much I admire your dreams
I’m Sorry I never really listened to your dreams
I’m Sorry I never supported your dreams
I’m Sorry I made our relationship about the physical things
I’m Sorry I made you compromise your morals
I’m Sorry I made you compromise your faith
I’m Sorry I made you do things you didn’t feel were right
I’m Sorry I for making you feel confused
I’m Sorry I scared you
I’m Sorry for only thinking about what made me happy
I’m Sorry for not taking care of your needs
I’m Sorry I was never open with you when I was falling apart
I’m Sorry I thought saying I love you would take the place of I’m sorry
I’m Sorry I did not say any of this sooner
I’m Sorry for not praying with you
I’m Sorry for not being the leader I am supposed to be
I’m Sorry for never reading the bible with you
I’m Sorry for not being the man God has called me to be
I’m Sorry for not allowing God to be the center
I’m Sorry I let you down, and our God down
I’m Sorry for being that man

Did Peter Really Fail

I have been thinking a lot about Peter lately. Thinking about how all we seem to talk about is how he failed. I have looked at websites that are devoted to how Peter fell. In fact some of them list his failures. If there was a website that listed my failures I’m not sure anyone would have enough time to read it all. I know I have failed way more than Peter ever did. And I’m sure my failures have been way worse than his. I find it funny that most of the websites after talking about his failures, say “and God forgave him.” That’s great that he was forgiven, and brings hope to us all. But let me throw this out to you…Did Peter really fail? The answer would have to yes, but I would like to look at it in a different way. Remember when Peter got out of the boat and was walking on water? And then he fell because he did not have faith. Where were the other guys at? Still sitting in the boat, afraid to get out. I would say Peter had more faith than them because he was willing to take a chance, to step out of the boat, to be closer to Jesus. How about we take a look at the moment when Peter denied Jesus three times. Bad move, yes…but again where were the rest of the guys? We only know that Peter was there, we don’t even know if the other guys were anywhere near that moment when Jesus was being tried and crucified. If you look at some of Peter’s failures, they came out of a heart that wanted to be closer to Jesus, closer to his Lord. I can say that most of my failures have come out of heart that was serving me and me alone. I want to be more like Peter sometimes, have a heart that just wants to be closer to my Lord. When I fail I want it to come out of a heart that is trying to be closer to God. I am not afraid to fail, I am more afraid of what my motives are when I fail. I don’t look down on Peter for failing, because his failures came when he trying to be closer to God. I hope in the future when I fail; it comes from a heart that is trying to be closer to God. I don’t want to fail because I was not seeking Him. I want everything I do to be drawing me closer to Him, even if I fail in the process.

reflecting

The last year of my life as been one that I can truly say I have grown more as a christian than I have since I began this journey with God. It has been a year that has brought about some trials that I would have never Imagined. it has been a time of great frustration and hurt at times. it has also been that has taught me more about true love than I would have ever thought possible. I have had to throw out just abut everything I thought I knew about love. I have had to relearn what love truly is. I have had to take time to accept the fact that God loves me no matter what. That his love is not based on how much I do for Him, because His love comes unconditionally. there is nothing I can do that will earn his love, or take away his love. I have always thought that if I just do more then somehow God will love me more, and bless me more, and somehow things would be better for me. I spent all my time doing things for Him that I thought would somehow would earn something special from Him, when in reality what I was doing was trying to make myself feel good about what I was doing. I had to accept the fact that God loves me no matter what I am doing. as I started to wrap my head around that I started to think, what if we did our best to practice that same kind of love with others. I will be honest and say that I have not done that. In a lot of ways my love for others has always been based on the way they love me. I have put expectations on people, that God would never put on me. and I had to think if God would not put those expectations on me, what right do i have to put them on someone else. I have also had to accept that if I truly say I love a person, then I must be willing to forgive them, no matter what, without them asking, without any expectations, and maybe even without them knowing. I have never been good with forgiveness. I have always thought that I can forgive, bu not forget. but I know that by saying that what I am really saying is “I am not going to really forgive you.” true forgiveness comes from love, and love keeps a record of no wrongs. this is not easy to do but I have truly been tested with it in the last year. I will never say I have mastered it, but hope to spend everyday trying my best to do it. I know that it is only be the grace of God, and by giving it up to him, will I be able to put this into practice in my life. there is so much more that has happened in this last year, and as the weeks go on I will be writing about those things as well. Seek God In everything you do, love Him, and love others.

If my life were a song

You know how when you watch a TV show or movie, and there is music playing during parts of it. Do you wish that happened to you? If so what song would be playing in the background for you? Right now that song would be one that heard a few days ago. In fact it might even be the theme song for my life. The song is by Chris Young, and the title is “The Man I want to be.” I have heard it a lot lately and it hits me every time. Here are the lyrics

God I’m down here on my knees
Cause it’s the last place left to fall
Beggin’ for another chance
If there’s any chance at all
That you might still be listenin’
Lovin’ and forgivin’ guys like me

I’ve spent my whole life gettin’ it all wrong
And I sure could use your help just from now on
I wanna be a good man
A do like I should man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong man
God I’m askin’ you to come change me
Into the man I wanna be

If there’s any way for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cause it gonna to take a miracle
After all I’ve done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a brave man
I wanna be the kind of man she sees in her dreams
God I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God I only hope she still believes
In the man I wanna be

Well I know this late at night that talk is cheap
But Lord don’t give up on me yeah

I wanna be a givin’ man
I wanna really start livin’ man
God I’m askin’ you to come change me
Into the man I wanna be

I know sometimes in my life the last place I go is to my knees for help. I wonder sometimes why God still listens to me. I feel like I screw up more than I get it right. I feel like I wait to long to seek him, and why do I always wait until things seem to be unfixable? I love how the lyrics say “lovin and forgiven guys like me.” Reality is that no matter how many times I screw up, fall short, fail, or sin, God’s love never stops, and he is always there to forgive. There is nothing to big for God to forgive and love us through. I like what the song says about the girl too. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I have screwed things up in relationships in the past. I know that there is nothing I can do to fix anything, I have to trust God and put it all in his hands to do whatever he wants with this. I know I fall short all too often of the man I am supposed to be. The man God has made me to be. I want to be that Man, and sometimes I am, but somewhere along the journey I fall short. And I have hurt people in the processes. I wish everyone could see my heart, and know that it is always seeking to be that Man, that man that is pleasing to God. I know that God will never give up on me, I need to learn how to trust him to do the work, and let go of myself. God thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for always forgiving me, thank you for always giving me another chance. God help me to forgive others, and help me be the man YOU want me to be.

There are things in life that drive us to our knees, and cause us to cry out to God for help. I’m not talking about just going to Him in prayer with our problems; I’m talking about having a true broken spirit and calling out for Him. My heart has been broken for sometime now. As the pieces have slowly been coming back together, things have happened that have caused it to fall apart again. As I have been sitting here today thinking about all the things that have happened in the past couple years, the good and bad, my heart has been breaking again. I get so angry sometimes with the way some things have happened. And to be honest I am mostly angry with myself. Because of choices I made and things I said and did hearts have been broken. I wish I could have a chance to do it all over again. Actually I wish I would have done things right when I had the chance. For some reason the mistakes in the past will not go away. I am constantly reminded of when I failed. I know that God is not looking down on me and reminding me of this, I know this is my own doing. The truth is I’m not sure that I have ever really let go of it. I can’t forgive myself. I know that at one point I started to show the person that I was before Christ came into my life. In my fear I misrepresented God, and who I am. Today as I thought about some of the things that I have done, my heart shattered. I was not the man that God called me to be in the past. Admitting that brings up a lot of pain for me. I want to be a Man that is pleasing to God, one that lives to glorify Him. It breaks my heart to know that I have let Him down, and also have let others down. I have had to deal with this reality again a lot lately. It has been a painful process the past few weeks. Today has just been the day that it’s hit me the hardest. I know that even after saying sorry the damage has already been done. There is nothing I can do to change what has already been done. All I can do is make sure that I don’t do it again in the future.

Continue reading

Processing

The last couple weeks have left me very confused. I’ve prayed for a long time about this situation and now that its here I am confused. I didn’t realize that the answer to my prayer would bring up thoughts and fears that I have been trying to put behind me. I have also had to ask myself questions that I don’t like asking. The great thing is that God is in complete control of things now. In fact things would not be the way they are if I had let him have complete control the whole time. Whenever I try to do things my own way I screw it up. That’s what got me in the mess to begin with. I can see Him moving, but am realizing that its going to be a very slow process. I am not good with slow. I know that I need things to be slow right now though, I am not ready to truly move forward right now. There are things that I know will be part of the process that I’m not sure I will ever be able to move past. The fact is I know right now I am terrified of everything involved. I serve a God of second chances though, and I know that even when I am not able, He is. I put all my trust in Him. I lay it down at his feet and let Him have complete control. All I ask for is wisdom right now to make the right decisions.

Turning Points

The last couple months have not been easy. I have been dealing with a lot of things that I thought were behind me. A lot of thoughts and feelings that have been hard to face. Sometimes there are things we pray about and it feels as if God isn’t listening. Sometimes those things can cause a lot of frustration with God. There are somethings that I have been praying about for a year now. Well last week one of those prayers was answered. I had just about settled on the fact that the answer to my prayer was a no, when though He never said that to me. I guess He just needed some time to work on some hearts, mine being the one needing the most work. Had it not been because of the work He has been doing on me I would have never been able to respond the way I did. But I am understanding that all the work He has done prepared me for that moment and what my response would be. As I walked away I realized that this was the right moment to put up some boundaries in my life. As I set those in place I realized because of them I take myself completely out of the situation and put Him completely in charge. Whatever comes out of all this will only be because He has done all the work. I was hoping I was making wise decisions, and that was confirmed as I realized that the boundaries I put up has given me no other option than to trust in Him. I have no idea what is going to happen next or what the future is going to look like. I hope that He continues to move in my heart, and display His love through everything. After all the mistakes that were made I see a light that only comes from Him. It has been a long year of praying about the same thing and waiting on Him, but the end result is that His way is way better than mine. So now I sit back and continue to pray about what comes next. I may not have always done things right in the past but my hope for the future is that I finish well.