Lately my heart has been troubled with things that I don’t understand. Thoughts and feelings have been placed on my heart that hurt. The most troubling part of all of it is that when I seek God he is silent. I spend time in prayer, reading, worshipping yet He is silent. It reminds me of a Psalm of Asaph. In psalm 77:1-4 Asaph says
I cried out to God with my voice—
To God with my voice;
And He gave ear to me.
In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;
My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing;
My soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered God, and was troubled;
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
It has been a long time since I have felt that empty and alone inside. As I read the Psalms I am reminded over and over again for the silence that men like David went through. Here are just a few of the words of David
Why do You stand afar off, O LORD?
Why do You hide in times of trouble?
Psalm 10:1
How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
Psalm 13:1-2
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
Psalm 22:1-2
David’s words in an odd way are comforting during this time. To think that here he is the King and described as a man seeking God’s heart, yet still had times when he just cried out for God to break the silence. To know that he felt like god was hiding from him, or abandoning him. If we are truly honest we can all say we feel that same way. But do we really do what David does in these times. After David cries out to God and asks him to break the silence, he admits that it is his own sin that has brought on the silence. Then he does something amazing. He praises God for who He is. How often do we praise God in the silent times in our lives? How often do we take responsibility for our distance from Him? God is always there wanting to have fellowship with us, but too often we don’t look at ourselves as the problem, as the reason for the distance with God. What would happen if we had a heart more like David’s and could say like he did
O God, You know my foolishness;
And my sins are not hidden from You.
Psalm 69:5
Yet when we do admit our sin what do we do with it. Often times we try to make excuses for it. We place the blame on others not on ourselves. What would life be like though if we not only accepted responsibility for our choices, but we praised God during these times?
And better yet, what if we modeled our lives after Jesus. What if we took the pain on ourselves, even if it was not ours to take on? If we stopped trying to be right, but instead laid down our lives. I want to be a man that is pleasing to God. A man that is seeking the heart of God in everything that I do. So as I man I stand here before anyone who is reading this and say, I am the reason for the pain that has been caused. And I take responsibility for the things that have happened. I want to be the one that feels the pain. If you have been hurt by me in anyway, please know that I have and will continue to ask God to take away all your pain and place in on me, to let me be the one that hurts not you. If anyone has to feel pain I want it to be me. I have been praying over the words of David when he says
Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me.
Test my motives and my heart.
Psalm 26:2
So I pray that I be put on trial. I pray that my motives and heart be tested. And I pray that through the silent times, I can still praise God for who He is, and not what he Does. I pray that as a man, I take the example of Christ and take the pain on myself so that others can be free.
Keep me safe, O God,
for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the LORD, “You are my Master!
Every good thing I have comes from you.”
An Ordinary Man 
February 15th, 2011 at 10:04 pm
Jesus did not answer a word. Matthew 15:23 He will quiet u with his love Zephaniah 3:17
Are you reading these verses as a child of God who is experiencing a crushing sorrow, a bitter disappointment, or a heartbreaking blow from a totally unexpected place? Are you longing to hear your Master’s voice calling you, saying, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid” (Matt.14:27)? Yet only silence, the unknown, and misery confront you-“Jesus did not answer a word.”
God’s tender heart must often ache listening to our sad, complaining cries. Our weak, impatient hearts cry out because we fail to see through our tear-blinded, shortsighted eyes that it is for our own sakes that He does not answer at all or that He answers in a way we believe is less than the best. In fact, the silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His words and may be a sign not of His disapproval but of His approval and His way of providing a deeper blessing for you. “Why are you downcast, O my soul?…I will yet praise him” (Ps. 43:5). Yes, praise Him even for His silence. Here is a story of how one Christian dreamed she saw 3 people in prayer. When they knelt the Master drew near to them. As He approached the first of the 3, He bent over her/him with tenderness and grace. He smiled with radiant love and spoke to her/him in tones of pure, sweet music. Upon leaving her/him, He came to the next but only placed His hand upon her/his head and gave her/him on lok of loving approval. He passed the third person almost abruptly, without stopping for a word or a glance. The woman having the dream said to herself, “How greatly He must love the first person. The second gained His approval but did not experience the special demonstrations of love He gave the first. But the 3rd person must have grieved Him deeply, for He gave her/him no word at all, nor even a passing look.”
She wondered what the third person must have done to have been treated so differently. As she tried to account for the actions of her Lord, He Himself came and stood beside her. He said to her, “O woman! How wrongly you have interpreted Me! The first kneeling person needs the full measure of My tenderness and care to keep her/him feet on My narrow way. He/She needs My love, thoughts, and help every moment of the day, for without them she/he would stumble into failure.
“The second person has stronger faith and deeper love than the first, and I can count on her/him to trust Me no matter how things may go or whatever people may do. Yet the third person, whom I seemed not to notice, and even to neglect, has faith and love of the purest quality. I am training her/him through quick and drastic ways for the highest and holiest service.
He/She knows Me so intimately, and trusts Me so completely, that he/she no longer depends on My voice, loving glances, or other outward signs to know of My approval. He/She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for him/her to encounter. He/She trusts Me when common sense, reason and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing him/her for eternity, and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later.
My love is silent because I live beyond the power of words to express it and beyond the understanding of the human heart. Also, it is silent for your sakes-that you may learn to love and trust Me with pure, Spirit-taught, spontaneous responses. I desire for your response to My love to be without the prompting of anything external.
He will do wonders never before done (Ex. 34:10) if you will learn the mystery of His silence and praise Him every time He withdraws His gifts from you. Through this you will better know and love the Giver.
The above was taken from a devotional book Streams in the Desert….
I just lost my grandmother and then shortly after Kate was found to have more tumors my daily devotions with God were becoming fewer, my faith lessened…I don’t know why, but because of that, I fell into temptation, I sinned….I don’t know if God is being quiet because you have sinned, but I Respect you for asking for forgiveness. However, maybe He is training you, getting your heart ready for something greater. I hope He reveals it to you soon…its no fun to have a hurting heart…:)….blessings!
February 16th, 2011 at 7:47 am
Although I have afflicted you, I will afflict you no more. (Nahum 1:12)
There is a limit to our affliction. God sends it and then removes it. Do you complain, saying, “when will this end?” May we quietly wait and patiently endure the will of the Lord till He comes. Our Father takes away the rod when His purpose in using it is fully accomplished. If the affliction is sent to test us so that our words would glorify God, it will only end once He has caused us to testify to His praise and honor. In fact, we would not want the difficulty to depart until God has removed from us all the honor we can yield to Him.
Today things may become “completely calm” (Matt. 8:26) Who knows how soon these raging waves will give way to a sea of glass with seagulls sitting on the gentle swells? After a long ordeal, the threshing tool is on its hook, and the wheat has been gathered into the barn. Before much time has passed, we may be just as happy as we are sorrowful now. It is not difficult for the Lord to turn night into day. He who sends the clouds can just as easily clear the skies. Let us be encouraged…things are better down the road Let us sing God’s praises in anticipation of things to come. Charles H. Spurgeon…
The Lord of the harvest (Luke 10:2) is not always threshing us. His trials are only for a season, and the showers soon pass. “Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Ps. 30:5). “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2Cor 4:17) Trials do serve their purpose.
Even the fact that we face a trial proves there is something very precious to our Lord in us, or else He would not spend so much time and energy on us. Christ would not test us if He did not see the precious metal of faith mingled with the rocky core of the nature, and it is to refine us into purity and beauty that He forces the fiery ordeal.
Be patient, O sufferer! The result of the Refiner’s fire will more than compensate for our trials!
Again taken from Streams in the Desert!