Psalms of the Heart

Lately my heart has been troubled with things that I don’t understand. Thoughts and feelings have been placed on my heart that hurt. The most troubling part of all of it is that when I seek God he is silent. I spend time in prayer, reading, worshipping yet He is silent. It reminds me of a Psalm of Asaph. In psalm 77:1-4 Asaph says

I cried out to God with my voice—
To God with my voice;
And He gave ear to me.
In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;
My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing;
My soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered God, and was troubled;
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

It has been a long time since I have felt that empty and alone inside. As I read the Psalms I am reminded over and over again for the silence that men like David went through. Here are just a few of the words of David

Why do You stand afar off, O LORD?
Why do You hide in times of trouble?
Psalm 10:1

How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
Psalm 13:1-2

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
Psalm 22:1-2

David’s words in an odd way are comforting during this time. To think that here he is the King and described as a man seeking God’s heart, yet still had times when he just cried out for God to break the silence. To know that he felt like god was hiding from him, or abandoning him. If we are truly honest we can all say we feel that same way. But do we really do what David does in these times. After David cries out to God and asks him to break the silence, he admits that it is his own sin that has brought on the silence. Then he does something amazing. He praises God for who He is. How often do we praise God in the silent times in our lives? How often do we take responsibility for our distance from Him? God is always there wanting to have fellowship with us, but too often we don’t look at ourselves as the problem, as the reason for the distance with God. What would happen if we had a heart more like David’s and could say like he did

O God, You know my foolishness;
And my sins are not hidden from You.
Psalm 69:5

Yet when we do admit our sin what do we do with it. Often times we try to make excuses for it. We place the blame on others not on ourselves. What would life be like though if we not only accepted responsibility for our choices, but we praised God during these times?

And better yet, what if we modeled our lives after Jesus. What if we took the pain on ourselves, even if it was not ours to take on? If we stopped trying to be right, but instead laid down our lives. I want to be a man that is pleasing to God. A man that is seeking the heart of God in everything that I do. So as I man I stand here before anyone who is reading this and say, I am the reason for the pain that has been caused. And I take responsibility for the things that have happened. I want to be the one that feels the pain. If you have been hurt by me in anyway, please know that I have and will continue to ask God to take away all your pain and place in on me, to let me be the one that hurts not you. If anyone has to feel pain I want it to be me. I have been praying over the words of David when he says

Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me.
Test my motives and my heart.
Psalm 26:2

So I pray that I be put on trial. I pray that my motives and heart be tested. And I pray that through the silent times, I can still praise God for who He is, and not what he Does. I pray that as a man, I take the example of Christ and take the pain on myself so that others can be free.

Keep me safe, O God,
for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the LORD, “You are my Master!
Every good thing I have comes from you.”

How far will you go for Love?

Thinking you are ready for a relationship, or maybe marriage? How long are you willing to work for that? What if things were the same today as they were back in Old Testament times? In those days you had to pay a dowry for the woman you were going to marry. If you didn’t have that chances were you weren’t getting the girl. Let’s stop and take a look for a minute though at the story of Jacob.

Jacob was truly a man of God. He was not perfect by any means, but was so loved by God that his name was changed from Jacob which meant “heal catcher” to Israel which meant “ruled by God.”

Jacob fell in love with a girl by the name of Rachel the first time he saw her. He loved her so much that he asked for her hand in marriage. Here is what the bible has to say about how this all happened, and the trials that Jacob went through to marry Rachel.

Genesis 29:16-30
16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weak [a] eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”
19 Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.”
22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.
25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”
26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”
28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. 30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.
Jacob had agreed to work for Laban for 7 years because he had no dowry to give for his daughter. After that seven years was up though he tricked and had to marry Leah because she was the first born, and it was custom that the older had to marry before the younger. This did not change Jacob’s love for Rachel though. He loved her so much that he was willing to work another 7 years to have her. Would you be willing to work for someone for 14 years just to marry the daughter that you were in love with?
So often in culture today we find someone that we fall in love with and we expect to have them. Looking here at Jacob’s love for Rachel though, I wonder why we are not willing to go this far. I doubt any of us would work even the first seven years for a girl just to marry her, let alone 14 years. I love here that the bible says in Gen 29:11, “Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.” What an amazing picture of the emotion Jacob felt when he found this girl. He was so in love that when he kissed her he cried. His love was so strong for this girl that he cried, and then worked 14 years to have her. This just blows my mind. It blows my mind that it says, Jacob worked seven years for her but it seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Wow, seven years is a long time, yet it seemed like only days to Jacob, I don’t know about you but that must have been some powerful love he was feeling. Then to be tricked and have to marry another girl, that he didn’t love. If that had been me I would have been mad and walked away without marrying either one. But Jacob didn’t do that, instead he agreed to another 7 years of service. I don’t know anyone who would do that today. It makes we wonder, if there is someone we plan on spending the rest of our lives with, then 7 years is nothing compared to the 50 or 60 we may be spending with them. Reading this story makes me think, about how superficial our idea of love is. I could be wrong, but I don’t know anyone who would do what Jacob has done.
Reading this story has really convicted my heart. I have had relationships that were pretty amazing, but I can’t honestly say that I would have gone to the same lengths Jacob did to marry the girl he loved. But if we truly say we are in love with someone shouldn’t we be willing to go to any length for that person. I want to feel that way about the person I fall in love with. I want to fall in love with someone that I would be willing to work 14 years or more for if I had to, just to have them by my side forever. I don’t want my love to be superficial and momentary. I want to know that the person I say I love is one that I am willing to work my entire life for. I want to cry the first time I kiss her because of how amazing that feeling is. I want to love like Jacob did. He was not willing to give up until he got the girl, even after being tricked. I would thought it was another trick, but not Jacob. In fact I bet Jacob would have worked another 7 years, or maybe even 14 years for her. I want to be able to say that I would do the same thing. What an amazing picture of love here. I want to know that the next person I say I am in love with is a person that I would be willing to lay down my life for, one that I would be willing to work for the rest of my life for, one that no matter what I have to do I would do just to have her hand for the rest of my life. I hope when that moment comes I am able to cry when I kiss her, cry when I hold her, and cry when I have her forever. I want to be so overfilled with emotion that I cry over how amazing she is.
What about you? Would you be willing to be a modern day Jacob if you had to?